Several trains were cancelled again last month to help maintain half decent performance statistics displayed on posters at stations around the city.

“We improved late times by 24% last month by making passengers wait for the next one,” said Metro Trains spokesperson Doug Ernest.

“People would rather be told trains are 98.8% on time, than being told 83.7% of trains running very late are cancelled in time not be included in the late arrival statistics.”

“It’s just too wordy.”

Ernest says the performance tables look fantastic, however he would never personally travel on public transport.

“Waiting longer because I know a train has been cancelled just so some statistics look better would really give me the shits,” says Ernest.

Image: wiki