Monday, July 23, 2018

Top Stories

Shopper Enters Aldi For Bread, Leaves With Cordless Two-Stroke Leaf Blower

A woman popping into her local Aldi for some bread today has purchased an EGO 30cc 2-Stroke Leaf Blower for $149. “Absolute bargain,” said Josie...

Aspiration For Penalty Rate Workers Falls 10-15%, Politician’s Aspiration Up 2%

Australia’s federal politicians, senior public servants, and members of the judiciary will enjoy a 2% rise in aspiration on Sunday, while...

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Englishman Very Quiet On Social Media Today

An Englishman who has been highly active on social media for the past couple of weeks has suddenly gone missing. “John’s just suddenly vanished,” says...

Commonwealth Bank Failed To Inform Customers After Losing Morals

The Commonwealth Bank has confirmed it did not follow company protocol and failed to notify customers that it had lost the majority of its...

Australians Have 3 Months To Opt Out Of Insurance Companies Accessing Their Health Information

Australians will have three months from today to decide if they want to opt out of insurance companies being able to access their health...

Train Cancelled To Improve Arrival Times

Several trains were cancelled again last month to help maintain half decent performance statistics displayed on posters at stations around the city. “We improved late...

CEO Working Much Harder Than Janitor

A Chief Executive Officer working in inner city Sydney has been working a lot harder than his fellow employee Albert Sanchez. CEO Peter Walters spent...

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The Youi guy has revealed in an exclusive interview to Four Corners that he only receives around 15 per cent of his income in the form of actual money. “I saved 85 per cent off an...
A man wearing a suit has appeared on television last night accurately forecasting an increase in the stock market last week. “We’re bullish on what happened a few days ago,” said Michael Shank from the Britannia...

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Aspiration For Penalty Rate Workers Falls 10-15%, Politician’s Aspiration Up 2%

Australia’s federal politicians, senior public servants, and members of the judiciary will enjoy a 2% rise in aspiration on Sunday, while...

Tony Abbott Wears Luxury Items In Parliament

Former prime minister Tony Abbott has arrived to parliament today wearing a pair of fabulous luxury items. Commenting on Tony Abbott’s attire...

Man Adjusts Walking Speed To Get Away From Other Pedestrian

A man walking up a footpath today has increased his walking tempo to create some distance between himself and another pedestrian. Jack...